I am the type of person who likes to relax alone, usually in quiet. I love being home on my couch, watching tv, on my computer or reading a book. This is my personality, but, there are times were I want to be with friends I want to be out and about. Over the past year I made it a point to interact more go out plan get togethers and not make excuses to miss events I am invited to… but wait why do I still feel like i’m not really there? I am out with friends but I feel like I’m hanging out by myself… it’s sort of like i’m there but I am not there. I watch them talk amongst themselves, whisper to each other, or I feel like I have nothing to add to this conversation, they speak of things I wasn’t involved in… Inside jokes, things they have done together that I wasn’t there for…
Do any of you ever feel like you are not part of your social groups? You have friends but you feel sort of disconnected and out of the circle. I have felt this way since I can remember. At first I thought maybe it’s because i’m not being friendly or I am actually not attempting to be social with people. When I say social I mean accepting invitations, talking with them, suggesting plans. I made the effort, I went out, I went to the get-togethers (even if sometimes I wanted to stay in). Then I realized, even though I tried speaking to them more, planning brunches, bbq’s, beach trips, I still don’t feel close to anyone.
I think I really realized recently… even if I participate in activities, I still don’t feel included sort of like the kid that always gets picked last in gym. I’m not sure why I am overlooked but at least I know now, it’s not because I don’t try to be social; by the way, being social was so tiring sometimes. I understand now that I am just how I am, I won’t try to be something I’m not, some super social butterfly, it’s just not me. Maybe this makes me come across as rude or uncaring, but hopefully people who take the time to know me, know this is not true.
Somehow as if the universe knew I was seeking answers, I came across some videos and articles about Highly Sensitive people and Indigos. Now some of you might really think I’m odd, but then; you cannot relate, every one is different and our personalities are different; if you know what i’m talking about then you understand what I mean by this entire post.
Do you know what it means to be a highly sensitive person or an Indigo? When I say highly sensitive, it doesn’t mean getting your feeling hurt easily, it’s means that you may think or see things in ways others don’t. One of the videos I came across was at Shir Levi’s channel: Life as a Highly Sensitive Person A lot of the things she stated in this video resonate with me, and describe me so well, it also helped me understand a lot of why I feel certain ways sometimes. I’ve been thinking about this post for a while, and it took me a few months to write and post it, but I felt its something I wanted to share even though it is on a more serious note, I hope that this can help some of you also.
~:: NiteShade ::~